True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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