508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
