He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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