Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Welp...herpes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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