so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
