The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
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That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
about cumming, not toast
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!