Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
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best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.