I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
