The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
