Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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