you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
