I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
