beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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