they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
