So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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