oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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