I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I want her autograph on my taint
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
