when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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