Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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