So drunk its hurt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
