I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
