You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was CRYING into my vagina
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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