Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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