I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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