Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
