I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
