You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
