question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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