For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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