i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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