put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
vagina is talking i cant
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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