Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
