instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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