someone get that fucking seahorse.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
