Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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