How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
