So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
