I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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