stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
