3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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