Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize