This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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