my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
we're so committed to being not committed
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