I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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