yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
