Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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