He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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