it's too hot outside to masturbate.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
