he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize