I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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