Welp...herpes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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