I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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