I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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