Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
