You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
