this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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