Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
