I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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