i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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