So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he thought i was a dude.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
