dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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