I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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