Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
