Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
