So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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