you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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