i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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