He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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