ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize