If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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